Dreams about running
from your hearts deepest desire.
Things like that don’t happen.
Don’t fall in the fire.
Heart not in line
with hearts to be found.
Guilty feelings
bring you down.
Feeling selfish
for seeking a spark.
Why can’t I settle
for just the plain dark?
Some days aren’t bright,
and that’s still okay.
Most days are light,
holding the way.
But I still crave that spark,
wherever it may be.
Someday we’ll walk home together
glowing bright for all to see.
“Don’t think too much, you’ll think your whole life away. Just stop, close your eyes, and follow your heart. I guarantee you, it knows the way.”
-Anonymous
I wrote this poem about one of my bigger internal struggles. The guilt of being alone because I won’t date just anyone. My friends would tell me to get out there and date, that I wouldn’t know until I tried. So I tried to force my heart. I tried dating services first. One guy was very sweet and kissed me when he dropped me off. I cursed myself so hard that night because I didn’t feel a thing.
I started going on dates with guys I knew that liked me. I was miserable and my heart broke a little more every time. I finally put a halt to that the night I almost got rapped.
I still feel so guilty for not being able to reciprocate the feelings. I feel guilty for not settling for just anyone so my kids could have a father figure in their lives. I honestly think if I did that, I would die a little more every day until there was nothing left of me. It might be worth it for them though, or would it be?
I’m learning to trust and listen to my heart. My heart knows exactly what it wants, and when it finds him there will be a spark! I don’t know what will happen after that though because I have recurring nightmares about finding and kissing my spark, then running away.
Maybe if, as a wise man once said, I let my heart run the show but bring my mind just incase, everything will work out okay when my heart finds its spark.
Thanks for reading! Love you all to bits!
❤️💚Aimee
I enjoyed the line "Don’t think too much, you’ll think your whole life away". That describes me to a tee. It's so hard to shut it off, though.
Sorry Aimee that this is a struggle for you right now, but it will come when the time is right when you least expect it. Don't be too eager and don't dwell on it just let it happen. Things happen for a reason and something bigger and better is out there waiting you.